everyone needs an outlet. vague yet revealing. slightly controversial.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

let's... go... SHOPPING!

I have expressed my frustration with the challenge of Thinking of Thoughtful Gifts to give in celebration of Christmas.

This year, I will be going home (back to Indiana) for the first time in a year. I have not been back to see my family since Christmas of '07. For this reason, I would like to present my closest family members with some nice gifts.

I enjoy gift-giving, and most importantly I enjoy shopping. Gift giving requires I shop.

This past weekend, I took on my first round of "holiday shopping." My purchases included: 2 DVD's, 3 books, a bling license plate, multiple items from Victorias Secret (only to receive the GWP's,) and makeup. All for myself.

Round one of holiday shopping ended up to be a mini personal shopping spree. It just happened that I had to keep a few of those items that would have made great gifts for myself. I NEEDED them. I was tempted to purchase MORE items for myself but tried to stay on track - keeping my eye exclusively on gift items.

Oh well, technically, I still have 23 days.

Can anyone recommend "thoughtful" gifts for dads and brothers?

: : : : : sighs : : : : : :

xo bird.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Protein Overdose

As a vegetarian, the #1 question I am asked is: "How do you get enough protein?!?!"

This question is especially annoying because the people who ask are obviously un-educated as to what a well-balanced meal really looks like (their idea of a hearty meal is steak/pork chops/meatloaf, fried potatoes, a dinner roll, and a diet coke.)

For those of you curious; vegetables, soy, legumes, fruits, nuts, seeds, and grains all contain protein.

Vegetarian Protein Reality:

Over the last few decades, wide spread practical experience of vegetarian diet, knowledge of traditional cultures, and hundreds of health/diet studies, all tell a different story.

  • Too much protein is as harmful as too little, and is linked with shorter life expectancy, increased cancer and heart disease risk, widespread obesity and diabetes, osteoporosis, kidney stress, and bad digestion

  • High protein-diets bring about temporary weight-loss, at the expense of overall health, and people quickly regain weight once they return to a normal diet

  • A varied vegetarian diet with a balance of protein, fats & carbohydrates, and adequate calorie intake provides more than enough protein

  • Complete animal protein is not superior to complete protein from more than one plant source – they give the same result in different ways

  • Protein from plant sources doesn't include excess calories from fat, toxic residues, or an overabundance of protein, which stresses the kidneys
Protein deficiency is very rare in the US and is generally diagnosed in people living in countries suffering from famine. It's been estimated that the average person in this country eats two - six times more protein, usually from animals, than is needed for good nutrition.

So then comes the question on Thanksgiving. Am I REALLY NOT going to eat TURKEY on Thanksgiving. And to be completely honest, if i WERE going to eat meat, TURKEY on THANKSGIVING would be the last piece of meat on my list because I know the facts:

There are 300 million turkeys killed each year—more than 40 million during the holiday season alone—for human consumption. Turkeys on factory farms have their beaks and toes cut off without pain relief. They are crammed by the tens of thousands into dark, stifling warehouses where disease, smothering, and heart attacks are common. Today's turkeys are genetically bred to grow so quickly that their bones and leg muscles often give out under the stress of supporting their huge upper bodies. Millions of turkeys die every year from heat exhaustion, freezing, and accidents during transport.

Thousands of free-range turkeys are raised in a single warehouse-like structure forced to stand on accumulated fecal waste and breathe in ammonia fumes. These turkeys are then taken to the slaughterhouse through transport containers where they are hung upside down in shackles. There they cry out in fear and pain as they await their own slaughter. Think of how much it hurts when we get a little speck in our eye, and we might understand the degree of suffering that the turkeys are been forced to endure day after day.

And in an earlier post, I pointed out that the Union of Concerned Scientists points out that 70 percent of the antibiotics sold in the United States are used to treat healthy livestock...

Anyhow, due to my family being hundreds of miles away, I am spending Thanksgiving at home, alone, with the pooch. I have resorted to the couch, in boy shorts, un-showered, with Forrest Gump on the tube. I will take the opportunity to work on my Weekend Commitments

Oh, and did I mention the house next door was on fire this AM? 5 Fire Trucks parked outside of my window, Channel 5 news, & LOTS of firemen (including the Chief.)

Throughout the week, I have been busy creating my very own little Thanksgiving meal. On the menu: Sweet Potatoe Souflee, Apple Crisp, Butternut Squash Soup, Black Bean Salad, Minnesota Wild Rich & Squash, Spinach Salad, Jalapeno Cornbread, Apple Cider, Cranberry Fruit Salad, and Pumpkin Pie - mostly made from scratch. THAT's enough to be thankful for. (did i ever mention that i LOVE cooking in my kitchen??)

I rarely get excited about the holidays, for various reasons. The #1 reason tends to be the many obligtions that come including: being expected to showing thanks, thinking of thoughtful gifts, (gift-giving is no longer natural - it is EXPECTED), the consumption of garb foods, the guilt of gathering with relatives ONLY once a year , and a years worth of the positive & negative life stories (I feel guilty telling a positive story, when everyone else is living in the negative.)

I DO enjoy Gift Wrap. (actually, obsessed. I have a collection of wrapping paper, bows, string, glitteratti, need I go on?!?!)

And I DO enjoy receiving gifts. Refer back to my Official 2008 Christmas List

OH AND, I do enjoy sending Holiday Cards.

I have been humbled on this day, Nov. 27th, 2008.... Thanksgiving. I will pour one for all my Turkey homies that were literally plumped to death for your dining pleasure.

**Facts Found at: goveg.com, articlesbase.com, savvyvegetarian.com, peta.com

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

the best things in life are found on Craigslist

Determined to find a decently priced apartment to look at in December when I visit, I am now spending a good portion on my time browsing ads on Craigslist. I have not announced it to the world yet, but I plan on moving back to Chicago in Spring of '09.

I couldn't NOT share this ad that I came across while browsing through the Apt/Housing category.

$30 / 3br - -------------House Wife
Wanted....All Expenses Paid.....SAVE $$ (Just South of Wicker Park)

You Provide:
Laundry and house chores.

I Provide: All Housing Expense Paid......You Live For Free....And a chance to get ahead in life by living for free.......

Me: 28 M White, Attractive, Business Owner, Wicker Park

--I am Looking for a house wife

--You wash my laundry/ cook/ clean....I pay all of the bills....

-- I work 90- 100 hours a week, and am sick of spending my small amount
of spare time doing house chores......

--Be my house wife and I'll pay
all of the rent/ utility / tv / phone / internet / food / drinks / parking
expenses you are currently paying!! You can save up $$ and get a jump start on
life !!

--Please include your picture and #.....I'll call to answer any
questions you may have.

-- And yes, this is a real ad, and no this is
not too good to be true. I would just rather not spend my only day off washing
clothes (10 loads per week of work clothes) / cleaning up the house and my

dogs are OK - wooof
Location: Just South of Wicker

Tempting. I think I am the right person for the job. (If not, Phil, I will find out if he would be open to a "house husband.")

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Lipstick & the City

I decided to venture out of the house today and treat the pooch to a nice afternoon at the dog park. Although it is cold outside, it was not unbearable... and the pooch has been slightly anxious to get out of the house ( I know this because he whines at me CONSTANTLY.)

Little did I know, the pooch (who was wearing the cutest little black jacket) would become the center of attention at the dog park.

When we visit the dog park (frequently in the spring/summer) we typically go to the park for big dogs, not small dogs ALTHOUGH my dog is only 11 lbs. He enjoys the big dogs, and gets himself in to less trouble. He gets waaaay too excited around the other small dogs.
Today, after roaming around by himself for quite some time, he found a gorgeous lassie-looking dog (50-75 lbs) to focus all of his attention on. Lassie was laying down chewing on a stick, when my pooch decided to take the opportunity to get behind Lassie and mount her. Lassie didn't even notice, but EVERYONE ELSE in the dog park did. There was one point in time that 3-4 people had their camera phones out not just taking pictures - but recording the dominatrix (a.k.a my pooch) in hump-mode. It WAS quite the site. Quite embarassing. The pooch has a reputation of being "romantic" but has also been referred to as Duece Bigalow.....

Eventually, I had to pull my dog off of Lassie and carry him out of the park. He is currently sprawled out on the couch with all 4 legs in the air. Relaxing after his big super-star day at the dog park.

On the lighter side of dog talk I got an e-mail from my grandparents and read this: "...We took Hunter (their dog) to the Mall yesterday in his stroller. He really enjoys that...."


(((change of subject)))

In less than 24 hours, my dreams of celebrating Hannukah this year have been shattered.

I was not aware that Hannukah is one of the best known holidays simply because of it's proximity to Christmas, It has become part of "The Holidays." Hannukah is often referred to as the "Jewish Christmas" and has adopted many of the Christmas traditions such as gift giving and elaborate decorating - although this is not traditional for the jews. Basic tradition is the lighting of the candles, spinning a dreidle, and eating fried food. Not much for celebrating.

SO I am back to celebrating the Holidays just like the Christians do, just like I did growing up. Santa Clause, Reindeer, and GIFTS... oh... and baby jesus!

To begin my holiday celebration I am going to create a Christmas list. (don't make me get out the JCPenny catalog)
My Official 2008 Christmas List:
  • a remote car starter
  • The Little Mermaid II
  • A new mobile phone (anything but a blackberry. must have GPS)
  • a gift certificate to MAC
  • a new bed frame
  • a blingin watch (I am ALWAYS looking for a watch that outblings my current one)
  • a filing cabinet from West Elm
  • book shelves from West Elm
  • for my (new) car to be fixed because someone backed in to it last night!! GC to the auto body shop?
  • OR a vacation home in Bora Bora ((drool))

xox bird

Monday, November 24, 2008

interesting. . .

"...........using the word "interesting" allows you to keep your distance, play around with ideas and concepts in your mind, agree or disagree........" eckhart tolle

hmm..... interesting....

xox bird

that's how i roll.

It is currently Monday eve and my work week is just about over. (*smiles*) I may choose to work in the salon on Friday just to get out of the house. To fill all of my free time, I have committed myself to a few things over the next week and a half:

  • I will not eat out. I will eat home cooked (vegan-ish) meals at home.

  • I will finish a book that has taken me waaay to long to read (it's deep): A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle AND I will start a new book. Not sure which book. I will have to make the decision between: The Hour I first Believed by Wally Lamb, Wasted Beauty by Eric Bogosian, Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt, OR finishing The 48 Laws Of Power by Robert Greene. I would really like to start a novel.

  • I will learn everything I need to know about Hannukah - I will be celebrating this year (no, I am not jewish - just trying something new) I will also celebrate the Hmong New Year
  • I will meet my friends at 1029 Bar for another round of Karaoke on a traditional Wednesday night.... and I will sing my heart out. fa la la la la la la la la

  • I will probably spend Thanksgiving alone, BUT I will go see a good movie on Thanksgiving eve... which is tradition for me.

  • I will attend the Annual Holidazzle Parade.

  • I will complete my gift-giving list (why are thoughtful gifts so hard to think of??) I don't give many but I do give some.

  • I will unpack my beautiful Celebration Barbies (yes, I collect BARBIES) and place them under spotlight for the next 5 weeks.

  • I will NOT set an alarm clock... I will wake up when I feel like.

That's it. That's all I've got. I am really looking forward to my week, although I will not be with family, I will not be with my closest firneds. I will be alone. Alone with a good book and some good vegan-ish food.

xox Bird

*image yanked from Daily Candy

Sunday, November 23, 2008

everything you say can & will be used against you.

Very early in my career, I learned that everything you say will eventually be repeated - and you must be 100% comfortable with every word that leaves your mouth. If you choose to talk negatively about someone behind their back, eventually that person will get word of what you have said.

Everything you say can and will be used against you.

I can remember the exact moment that I realized ALL of the gossip I was spreading, all of the rumors, and hate messages I was throwing around WAS being repeated - repeated back to the people I was gossiping about!

(Why, for so long, did I think the rumors I was spreading would stay only with the one person I told them to??)

Travel Back In Time about 6 years:

Waaaaaay back in the day ;) I was working at a salon in Indiana. The salon was busy, I worked with my friends, and knew most of the guests that entered the salon. I viewed most of my guests as friends, not just paying clients.

One of my guests (we will leave her name out of the blog for obvious reasons,) would come to the salon every 4-6 weeks faitfully for a cut & color. She brought her 13 year old daughter to the salon for cuts & color as well. They became good $$ customers of mine.
I remember before I knew her well, SHE would always make comments about working at night and being exhausted during day time hours. Eventually she pushed me to ask a simple question: "Oh, you work at night? What do you do?"

She was a stripper. A 44 year old stripper with a 13 year old daughter. And a dramatic love life. Oh, and flourescent green fingernails. A stripper that thought I was pretty which probably meant I had a good looking father. She wanted to know more about my dad.

Whoa. (i know!) A stripper step-mom?!?!?!

Each time she was in the salon, she would ask to see pictures of my dad. Each time she was in the salon I would tell her "Maybe next time." Of course this was always mixed among her stories of lost love, broken hearts, rich guys, boyfriend #1, and boyfriend #2. I could never focus on her stories of broken romance, instead my mind would race a hundred miles a minute - wondering if her 13 year old daughter watched her walk out of the house at night in fishnet stockings, lacy thongs, and stripper shoes!! AND I wondered what her daughter thought of those loooong green fingernails... and the playboy bunny imprinted on her thigh, and the fake tan! AND I could just not visualize thhose 44 year old saggy boobs jiggling around in anyone's face... for $$$!!

Nothing against strippers. I'm just sayin. That's where my mind went - it was completely riduculous and out of control.

This whole situation blew my mind (obviously!!) soooo I talked about it. I told my co-workers of the stripper with dreams of being my step mother. I told my friends, and I told salon clients of mine.

In fact, I can remember the day (very vividly) that 2 of my favorite clients/friends were in the salon shopping for some shampoo. They stopped me to chat... asked about life, updated me on their life... asked about my dad... (gasp) I had a GREAT story to tell them!!

I told these girls everything about HER. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. In the middle of the shampoo aisle in the salon.

We said our good-byes, deciding we would all see each other soon. I walk away. Turn the aisle. And come face-to-face with HER. The stripper. In the next aisle. I knew instantly that SHE had heard everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

Instantly, I was nauseated. And looking for a story. Justification. Lies. EEK!~

SHE mentioned that she was in the salon just shopping for shampoo, and... that she had heard everything. Of course, she knew I was talking about HER. With lines like: "Like, Who wants a stripper for a mom" and "Isn't she too old to be a stripper anyway - plus she has a 13 year old" There was no doubt SHE was the person I was referring to.

Not sure how I got myself out of that situation, it's all a blur. I'm pretty sure she never came to see me in the salon again.

And, I'm pretty sure I have watched what comes out my mouth from that day forward.

Back to the present:

Unfortunately, gossip happens quite frequently in the beauty business. I happen to be employed in the beauty business. For various reasons, lately, I have been at the butt end of other peoples gossip. In fact, 3 different people, from 3 different sides of my work life have been heard talking smack about me. Interesting enough, that all 3 of them don't know me very well at all.

My plan of action is to not retaliate although, eventually, I may (discreetly) let them in on the fact that I know what they have said. Of course, I would allow them to know everything I know. I would allow their minds to always wonder exactly what it is that I do know.

Typically, I am not one to draw attention and drama, but lately I have been in the spotlight. What must the girl do to remove herself from the attention of others?

"...When you are seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute nonreaction, not just externally but also internally, you realize that nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming "less," you become more...." - Eckhart Tolle

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

i got out of bed for... THIS?

My job could often times be compared to a bad joke.

Often times, I am placed in front of groups of people, ready and willing to help them earn a better living and live a better life. Unfortunatley, most of these people would prefer to stay wrapped in a broken misery. Most of the time, I care more about their personal growth and success than they do.

Yesterday, I was placed in front of a group of *special* people. Here is what I mean by *special* During my presentation they:

  • wanted to know my ethnicity (they screamed the question... rudely)

  • laid their heads on a table and slept - apologized later.

  • chomped on Jimmy John's Sandwich & pickle

  • made the announcement that they had no idea that I was coming to present to them and had no idea what I would be presenting. they could have cared less whether i was there or not.

Although this may not sound extreme, a group of professionals that are interested in growing their education & successes would not have acted this way.

So, yesterday, this little situation happened to about 6 or 7 of my coworkers and myself. It is called "mis-communication." This mis-communication caused my boss to call me on the phone, scream at me, threaten my job with his company, and hang up on me. Of course, he blamed the situation on me, and believe it or not, the situation was not my fault at all (victimizing myself.) I was looking for solutions to the problem we encountered. I offered solutions to the problem and no one could seem to agree on the same solution. I never did understand why 6 people needed to be a part of the situation in the first place OR why it was so hard to get respondence from all parties involved.

The outcome of the whole situation ended with me in front of a small group of people that could have cared less about their careers, let alone the positive message that I had to pass along to them.

By the end of the day, I was reassured that I should not fear losing my job - Not that I ever DID fear it.

BUT the whole situation left a bitter taste in my mouth. Did I deserve to be screamed at and hung up? AND told that my side of the story will never be heard? You would think that your employer (who is an ADULT) would have enough respect to hear all sides of the story prior to BLOWING UP. As an employee, I do not feel valued. I do not feel that my opinion matters. I do not feel that my employer has my back and and looks out for my best interest. I do not feel that my employer is willing to GROW ME as his employee .....although I have shown loyalty to his distributorship.


Today, on the other hand, I realized that there ARE people that respect me, value my opinion, hang on to the words that I say, and understand that I work with them to help them grow their business.

I was in front of two different groups of people today that look forward to seeing me in their salons. They thank me every time I come in. They hang on to every word I say. The ideas/systems/techniques that I provide are immediately put in to action. In return, they are experiencing growth within their business.

These are the people that I enjoy working with. Working with these people allows me to be productive within my job. So why is it that Big Boss Daddy can't see this and continuously kicks and screams about me working with nobodys that will always fail miserably in life??

It feels good to be respected and appreciated, and I am now facing a the point in my career that I will seek out an employer that RESPECTS and APPRECIATES the work that I do.

On another note, I got on the phone with a long time friend of mine tonight. He called to give me an update on his not-so-great relationship. He made the statement that although I am so far away from him right now, he still considers me one of his best friend. *smiles*

Tomorrow, I will not be getting out of bed.

*image yanked from Daily Candy


Monday, November 17, 2008

Must Have's

I MUST have plenty of lacy socks before next spring. ((drool))

(this is not the best pic of lacy socks.)
look at the socks and metallic heels

i found this pic a while ago, but came across it again and am now drooling over lacy socks

Saturday, November 15, 2008


Last night, we ventured out to Edina for the Ultimate Suburban Experience: Trader Joe's (grocery shopping), Panera Bread (soup, sandwich & green tea), The Gap (argyle socks & the original khaki), AND the Landmark Theater (Now Playing: The Secret Life Of Bees).

Oddly enough, it was a great way to spend a Friday night.

As we were sitting at Panaera Bread we made a mutual decision: We needed to purchase a few bottles of water to smuggle in to the movie theater. This is especially crucial because much of our movie theater experience evolves around artificially flavored popcorn (artificial flavors include White Cheddar, Jalapeno, and the occasional Parmesan & Garlic)

After Dinner we went straight to the mall (The Gap.) As we were exiting the mall, we found a vending machine full of Dasani water. I stuck 2 bottles of water in my purse.: Smuggling Plan completed.

We proceeded to the movie theater with a few moments to spare. As we walk from the parking garage to the theater, we notice that the bottle of water in my purse were highly visible. This made HIM nervous.

HE suggested that I zip up my purse, and I non-chalantly blew him off because I was not worried about anyone noticing. Even if someone were to notice, I felt that it was no big deal - that they wouldn't even pay attention to the water in my purse! I have smuggled plenty of food/drink items in to movie theaters over a period of 10-12 years.


ME: "It's not a big deal!"

HIM: "Crista, really, Zip It Up!"

ME: "I'll do it when I get inside."

As HE purchased our tickets, I did not bother to zip up my purse, as promised. As he purchased the popcorn, I STILL did not bother to zip up my purse. In fact, I boldly placed my purse on the concession counter flaunting the 2 bottles of water in my purse to the cashier.

HIM: (disgusted at my boldness) "GET.. WHAT.. THE.. PUT THAT DOWN!!"

ME: (foolish grin on face) "Sorry" wink wink

Although, the bottles of water were spotted in my purse, they were never questioned. The common rule at movie theaters: Outside food/drink is Prohibited, did not apply to me.



Apparently my experience and HIS experience with movie-going has been slightly different. Me, being a white female, have always felt comfortable carrying food/drink items in to the theater and have never been asked not to do so. HE, being a man, has had the rules more strictly enforced.

This lack of consistency with the enforcement of rules extends beyond the movie theater. White females tend to be the least threatening members of society. There is a lack of fear they possess due to the continuous free passes they are handed. The small free passes may seem insignificant at times, but the resulting boldness/fearlessness/confidence that white females possess is profoundly different from the learned behavior of minority women and men to strictly follow the rules.

Although being a white female has it's advantages, there are certain arenas where being perceived as the least threatening member of society has it's disadvantages.

3 Words: Hillary Rodham Clinton

We want our US President to be strong, and confident, therefore any presidential candidate that has the additional baggage as being perceived as the least threatening member of society (white woman) has a huge obstacle to overcome. The one thing this alleged non-threatening candidate is prohibited from doing is to show signs of emotional weakness. Emotional weakness (crying) reinforces the sterotypical pereption of women.

Hillary Clinton cried as she began to lose momentum in the race against Obama. She showed vulnerability, frustration, and weakness. It was soon stated in NewsWeek that "anyone who needed to carry Kleenex in her purse was unfit for the highest office in the land."

In contrast, Sarah Palin has overcome this additional baggage of being perceived as the least threatening member of society by creating the image of being a Pit Bull in liptick. She is tougher than tough. Her boobs are made of stone. She has taken all of her feminine qualities and has used them to her advantage by flirtatiously manipulating men to gain an edge. She is a true feminist. BURN YOUR BRAS WOMEN! !

In closing, I will admit there is no END to this discussion or thought process. Please note that this is one person's perception. It was thought about, discussed, and then BLOGGED. Please feel free to add to the discussion.

*I thank HIM for:

A. Suggesting that I write this blog

B. For making his opinions/POV's available for this blog.

Friday, November 14, 2008

"They're called boobs, Ed."

Seriously, is this picture inappropriate to post on my webpage?
Why are people so threatened by this picture? I am COMPLETELY comfortable with it.

You can find nude pictures of ANY celebrity on the internet or on TV (please refer to Brittney's new video, Womanizer

and plus... this is FAR from NUDE.

Haters only love you when they're hating.

Feedback PLEASE.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

THAT just happened.

Wow. I could not help but to share this e-mail that I just received in my Myspace e-mail inbox:

Wow, you are gorgeous! Say you're wanting to be spoiled
and you like older guys. I'm a good person and have a great paying career :)
Really, I'd break my neck to give you the world ;)
Have a great day!

To keep confusion down, I do not know this person or where he would find the information that I need $$ and older guys. BUT, Sounds he's got a great plan for me and will ride out do or die. It is not tempting, in fact is IS creepy. Did he really just say that? Is this why I remain single? Does this prove what I say about love? I should forward his contact information to HER


you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather

9 AM. Finally home. After 6 tough days in Lake Geneva. Hair Show. 2000 Hairdressers. I worked. And Worked. and worked. And sat through meetings. And was never NOT in someone else's face. There was no free time. No time alone. No time to step away. No time to be a friend. My mind drove me crazy the entire week for various reasons. My guard was let down. I have experienced anxiety among many other emotions, which rarely happens. It feels good to be home. I can relax, deal with my life, and escape the madness. Reflecting on the weekend, Here are a few things that I re-realized:

  • I am uncomfortable with people that are insecure and uncomfortable with themselves.

  • You never know when someone is going to change their mind.

  • I DO have feelings.

  • I DO NOT appreciate people fucking with me.

  • I do not respect weakness and vulnerability

  • Often times, when I develop a crush, it is based on personality and conversation rather than looks (I don't develop many crushes)

  • Love is a battlefield.

"What is most commonly called "falling in love" is in most cases an identification of egoic wanting and needing. You become addicted to another person, or rather to your image of that person. It has nothing to do with true love, which contains no wanting whatsoever. The Spanish language is the most honest in regard to conventional notions of love: Te quiero means "I want you" as well as "I love you." The other expression for "I love you," te amo, which does not have this ambiguity, is rarely used-perhaps because true love is just rare."

-Eckhart Tolle "A New Earth

Monday, November 10, 2008

A Former Pain-Body: RECOGNIZED

Because of the human tendency to perpetuate old emotion, almost everyone carries in his or her energy field an accumulation of old emotional pain, which I call "the pain-body."

pain-body: this accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your mind and body. If you look on it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the truth. It's the emotional pain body. It has two modes of being: dormant and active....

Tonight, I have focused my energy back to Eckhart Tolle's book: A New Earth. It is taking me quite a while to get through this book, for a few reasons. It is deep. It requires a open mind and time to process each paragraph. I knew it was time to pick it back up after talking to a friend of mine about the pain-bodies that he is dealing with. I have also been reflecting on the moments of my life that my pain-body were apparent.

The past lives in you as memories, but memories in themselves are not a problem. In fact, it is through memory that we learn from the past and frompast mistakes. It is only when memories, that is to say, thoughts about the past, take you over completely that they turn in to a burden., turn problematic, and become part of your sense of self. Your personality, which is conditioned by the past, then becomes your prison. Your memories are invested with a sense of self, and your story becomes who you perceive yourself to be. This "little me" is an illusion that obscures your true identity as timeless and formless Presence.

For some reason, as I read about pain-body's again, (which are triggered by situations that arise that are similar to something you experienced (negatively) in the past), I recalled a heavy pain-body that I once experienced.

When I was young-er, I dated a guy for a very loooooong time. Early on in our relationship, I would get soooooooooo mad at him for drinking beer. It didn't matter what the situation, if he had a beer in hand, I was PISSED. My attitude would completely change, and I would get mean. I would allow his beer drinking to ruin my day, even if he was just having a beer to cool himself down after mowing the grass on a hot day.
Today, I realized why I got so upset when he would drink a beer. My dad was an alcoholic when I was young. And when this guy would open a beer, my pain-body would go in to full effect and I would be taken back to that dark place.

Why that particular situation sticks out in my mind so much after reading that particular chapter in A New Earth, I do not know... but I can say that I learned something new about myself this evening....not only through my own experiences, but from friends experiences as well. What an honor it is when a friend allows you to advise them on the next step they should take to continue moving forward with their lives. I thank them for that opportunity. Win/Win.

A friend told me that a friend told him about an experience she had at the Cincinnati airport. While approaching the moving walkway she read a sign above: "DON'T STOP. DON'T LOOK BACK. KEEP MOVING"

Cheers to a few moments of free time to step away from the rest of the world and lose myself in a book.


Quoted is Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

gossip girl

Again, I am on the road in Beautiful Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. I only know that it is beautiful because other people have clued me in - I get stuck in the hotel for 6 days without seeing the light of day. I don't even know what part of the state I am in!! In the short time that I have been here this weekend I have re-learned a few things about people... and living...:

  • Nothing positive comes of making facebook friends out of your coworkers.
  • When people are jealous, they lie.
  • Alcohol draws the bold words out of peoples mouths that they have been dying to say all along.
  • Just because you are happy in life does not mean people will be happy for you or with you.

It is my first time in a few months that I have been in the presence of my coworkers. When we get together, we work and party, update our life stories, share the 411, and spread gossip. My coworkers- the ones that I work closely with... all happen to be women. Women that THRIVE on gossip. It just so happens that the latest rumor being spread happens to be about ME. The rumor spread from a picture or two they found on facebook. What I have figured out is that this rumor is spreading quickly, and everyone is looking for evidence to confirm this rumor. OF COURSE, they have all gone to each other seeking evidence, but not one of them has come directly to me for the simple truth.

(This year, the marketing department for the company I work for decided to create a Facebook Page for the company to attract new consumers. Along with that, many of my coworkers have joined the site. A large portion of my friends list consists of coworkers - up until last night)

Honestly, I underestimated the interest that my coworkers have in my facebook page. Apparently, everyone (coworkers) checks it out fairly regularly.


Wisconsin is a state that still allows smoking in bars. Gross. I frequent bars and restaurants in cities like Minneapolis and Chicago that do not allow smoking in public places. I almost forgot what it was like to be smacked in the face with a cloud of smoke as you walk in to a bar. I am pretty sure I got the lung cancer last night. Need Detox. I was hung over all day - not from drinking but from the inhalation of secondhand smoke. Blah. SO... needless to say, the bar did not see me tonight. In room... with SNL.

*photo yanked from Daily Candy

xox Crista

Thursday, November 6, 2008

build me up just to let me down.

I will be surprised if my head does not explode before this day is over. I have lived out the full meaning of the phrase "When it rains, it pours." Very rarely do I get upset, pissed off, angry, or feel pity for myself. Today happens to be an exception. I have allowed myself feelings of anxiety, despise, nervousness, and anger. Along with those feelings have come nausea and headaches.

I just purchased a new car and have been dealing with the service department to get my car in good working order. Due to temptation, I took the car off the lot the day they received it on to the lot. SO for some reason it has been quite the challenge to get my car in to the service department to have it serviced just the way it would have been prior to them ever displaying it on the lot. The tires are brand new and have already gone flat (of course they blame me after they figure out total amount of $$'s they will have to spend to replace it), the windshield wipers need to be replaced, they act like idiots about hooking my car up to a computer system to ensure everything is good and I have yet to get the damn thing detailed!... and blah blah blah blah blah... I have taken my car back to the dealership (Denny Hecker Rosedale Hyundai) 4 x's since I have purchased and it STILL has not been fully serviced! The guys in the service dept. work for themselves, not to service their customers. If there has ever been a time in my life that I could have taken a gun and pointed it directly at someones face ruthlessly, it would have been today. (AND plenty of days spent with this guy I dated back in the day.....) I was lured in to this car that was more money that I wanted to spend... and it is turning out to be a disaster! The unfortunate thing is that I have already signed all the paperwork. The car is mine. It is too late to give it back.


And that's not all folks. Dating & Relationships have been on my mind today. ALL day today and ALL day yesterday and the night before yesterday. For quite some time now, the act of 'dating' has intrigued me. I find that it can often be labled as 'non-dating.'

A few years back, I got involved with this guy that lived in a different state than myself. He happened to be going through some 'things' at that time in his life when I met him. That was ok, we hit it off well, enjoyed each other's company, found time to see each other - in fact, he would drive 3 1/2 hours to see me when he got off work at 6 PM, and wake up extra early in the AM to drive another 3 1/2 hours back to work. We always considered ourselves to be in a 'non-relationship.'

Non-Relationship: The act of being in a relationship, but the unwillingness to openly admit to it. Non-relationships are typically much easier to skeet out of because "technically" the two involved are not 'commited' to each other.

(Who would have thought that 'non-relationships' would become the hot trend for the 20-30 somethings?? - Gotta keep options open!!!)

Due to distance, eventually we both kind of... moved on ...out of our non-relationship, but we remained friends... UNTIL he met another chick. In another state. That refused him other chick friends. As that relationship was ending, He begged and pleaded to see me over the holidays, I agreed -and he flaked! For her. Eventually, he realized she wasn't the one for him (really?!?! heh.) and he sought out my friendship once again. I eventually allowed him back in.

A few months passed, and some very bad things happened to this guy again - of course I was the only person that stood by his side, besides his mom and sister. Lately, this guy has had some real emotional problems, I continue to support him. He texts or calls about once a day to keep me updated on what's going on.

What I realized today, as he was asking to see me this holiday - is that he has dumped on me so many times and refused my friendship for some fling or some chick... and always comes running back, begging for the friendship that we once had.

I know that our friendship will be forever, he will always hold a special place in my heart... and I worry about him.... but how many times around can you be dumped on and begged back in?

So.. back to the 'non-relationship' trend happeneing these days. I, myself am definitely a person that likes to keep my options open. It is hard for me to cut off all connections that I may have to settle down with one person that may or may not stick around for very long. Needless to say, I have not really been in the situation to make a decision about settling down or not - because people these days are not about 'settling down'... they too, want to keep their options open.
As move in to our early 20's... we keep our options are open... mid-20's.. and options are still open... 30's... and options are still open.... when does there come a point that you are willing to take the risk to commit yourself to one person and move in to what's called a.... 'relationship'???

It seems that so often, I am lured in to a guy's life through friendship... travel... happy times.. etc, but most often as a guy first starts to pursue me, I heavily reject. I question what they want from me... why they want to spend so much time with me... why I would even be interested in them in the first place... because often times from the outside looking in, I can already see that they are not ready for any type of relationship with me or anyone else!!!! SO WHY PURSUE ME IN THE FIRST PLACE??? A glorified friendship?? With sex???

For those that stick around long enough, eventually I let allow then to become a part of my life... and everything seems to go well for a while. We hang out, have a good time, get to know each other, learn more and more about each other every day - right up to the point where we learn that we either:

A. Have Baggage of some sort
B. Have future plans to move to some far away place ...alone... without the other
C. We are just not interested in anything more with each other than sex + friendship.

It never fails. It always happens. I can always see it coming.
When this information is discovered, either A,B, or C... the slight relationship that we seemed to have been building starts to dissolve. And we eventually move on... stay in touch... hook back up every now and then.... and then move on again. (good thing I didn't drop everyone I know for THAT guy)

So today, and the last few days, I have been wondering to myself... how many more times am I going to get myself in to this situation ...that I take the time to get to know someone that seems fairly interested... just to find out that he (or me) is not looking for a relationship right now... OR he comes clean about the baggage that he carries (that I asked not to be a part of in the first place)... How many more times am I going to be built up.... just to be let down??

I have found that dating has become a 'game.' You play me, I play you, we play with each other... make the right moves to get the reaction that we are looking for... and say things to manipulate a certain reaction out each other. I do it. I say things that I know will cause a certain reaction... I don't just say the things the other person wants to hear. I say the things that will manipulate the other person to say what I want to hear. Certainley, if I am doing it - they are doing it as well. Another question that I ask myself tonight is... how long will this game go on?

Unfortunatley, lines like:

"I'm sorry to bring you in to all of my drama and baggage, I understand if you need to walk away (after I pulled you in to it)"
"I can't do what I want to do when I want to do it because I am at the mercy of my ex"
"Don't compliment me, because you're probably all talk"
"I'm sorry ...I had a whole lot of shit to deal with but it won't happen again this year"

..aren't the lines I am willing to hear too many more times. I'm done messing around. And I'm done being everyone's friend. I can do bad all by myself.


I found some information I needed to share. WARNING: May Be Disturbing.

-Americans eat more meat than anybody on Earth packing away approx 200 pounds per person in 2005, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, which forecasts that we will add another 20pounds of it annually by 2016.

-the Union of Concerned Scientists points out that 70 percent of the antibiotics sold in the United States are used to treat healthy livestock... what does this say about our own health?

-2,500: The number of livestock animals butchered for each meat-eating American in his or her lifetime.

-Americans throw 22.5million pounds of meat in the garbage every day - the equivalent of 15,000 cows, 36,000 hogs and 2 million chickens.

-"Healthy People 2010" report showed that vegetarians typically weigh less than meat eaters and suffer from lower rates of type 2 diabetes and other diseases.

All of this information was pulled from an article entitled "Of Calves and Carnivores" in Oct 2008 issue of Mpls St Paul Magazine.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Mr. ______ Goes to Washington

I am currently wearing my "I Voted" sticker. Finally. I've done my part. Done what I can do. Now.... it's time to sit back, cross my fingers and hope the best man "wins." I know I voted for the best man, because I read and fully understood Michael Moore's 2008 Election Guide.

My day started out in a salon with a group of people that I do not know very well. As the stylists walked through the door with "I voted" stickers proudly worn on their shirts, the salon manager asked each one of them: "Did you vote for MY guy?" --Talk about putting them on the spot!! Some responded with yes's and a few responded with no's. Although, I had the feeling I was in the middle of McCain country, there was no way I was going to question which candidate these stylists had voted for. I made the comment that even though we all have our strong political views and preferences, I think that it is safe to say that both presidential candidates are ready to make positive changes in this country. They are both on OUR side - they are both fighting for the american people. The salon manager did not agree... she shook her head and said ...no that she does not agree with that. I quickly changed the subject and never did find out who these people had voted for.

Cruising down the street, approaching my neighborhood, I notice people everywhere rallying in the streets showing their support for.... Barack Obama. I honked my horn a few times to show some love. I ended up at the Franklin Public Library around 5 PM Central time to cast my vote. I am pretty sure I was the only White Chick in the house. I live in a neighborhood that is predominantly Somlian. Come to find out, Somalian people do hang out at the library, but they do not vote. One of the benefits to living in my neighborhood is that there are NO WAITING LINES TO VOTE! I was in and out fairly quickly. I simply stated my name, NEVER showed ID, given my ballot after confirming my address, put in a booth next to a woman who could not read and was screaming across the room for help, fed my ballot in to a machine, and was out the door -proudly wearing my "I Voted" sticker. MY vote had been counted.

As I walked around the corner and down the block to my car, 2 guys stood on a porch and were hollering "OBAMA! OBAMA!" I hollered back "WHOO HOO!" to show my support. As I approached my car, I heard one of them say "Daaaaamn! She gettin in a Porsche!"
Sorry guys.... it's just an Acura TL.

As the night continues on, I have found myself at home... alone... in PJ's... blogging. I'm not quite sure what to do right now. I have listened to POTUS on XM Radio all day - every day - for weeks. I can not handle any more presidential/political talk. I am ready for RESULTS. It must end! It seems that as we come to the end of a never-ending presidential race, we will wake up tomorrow to a new America, a new way of doing/seeing things. It shall be refreshing.

I am not sure whether I will stay home tonight (where I lack cable TV) alone... listening to XM Radio (or CNN)... OR head out to some bar or restaurant to experience this day going down in history with someone elses friends and some cable TV...... Either way.... it feels good to be a part of it. The only thing I would have done differently is to head to Chicago for the night... the place that I AND Barack call... 'home.'

Vegan Pig