everything you say can & will be used against you.

Very early in my career, I learned that everything you say will eventually be repeated - and you must be 100% comfortable with every word that leaves your mouth. If you choose to talk negatively about someone behind their back, eventually that person will get word of what you have said.

Everything you say can and will be used against you.

I can remember the exact moment that I realized ALL of the gossip I was spreading, all of the rumors, and hate messages I was throwing around WAS being repeated - repeated back to the people I was gossiping about!

(Why, for so long, did I think the rumors I was spreading would stay only with the one person I told them to??)

Travel Back In Time about 6 years:

Waaaaaay back in the day ;) I was working at a salon in Indiana. The salon was busy, I worked with my friends, and knew most of the guests that entered the salon. I viewed most of my guests as friends, not just paying clients.

One of my guests (we will leave her name out of the blog for obvious reasons,) would come to the salon every 4-6 weeks faitfully for a cut & color. She brought her 13 year old daughter to the salon for cuts & color as well. They became good $$ customers of mine.

I remember before I knew her well, SHE would always make comments about working at night and being exhausted during day time hours. Eventually she pushed me to ask a simple question: "Oh, you work at night? What do you do?"

She was a stripper. A 44 year old stripper with a 13 year old daughter. And a dramatic love life. Oh, and flourescent green fingernails. A stripper that thought I was pretty which probably meant I had a good looking father. She wanted to know more about my dad.

Whoa. (i know!) A stripper step-mom?!?!?!

Each time she was in the salon, she would ask to see pictures of my dad. Each time she was in the salon I would tell her "Maybe next time." Of course this was always mixed among her stories of lost love, broken hearts, rich guys, boyfriend #1, and boyfriend #2. I could never focus on her stories of broken romance, instead my mind would race a hundred miles a minute - wondering if her 13 year old daughter watched her walk out of the house at night in fishnet stockings, lacy thongs, and stripper shoes!! AND I wondered what her daughter thought of those loooong green fingernails... and the playboy bunny imprinted on her thigh, and the fake tan! AND I could just not visualize thhose 44 year old saggy boobs jiggling around in anyone's face... for $$$!!

Nothing against strippers. I'm just sayin. That's where my mind went - it was completely riduculous and out of control.

This whole situation blew my mind (obviously!!) soooo I talked about it. I told my co-workers of the stripper with dreams of being my step mother. I told my friends, and I told salon clients of mine.

In fact, I can remember the day (very vividly) that 2 of my favorite clients/friends were in the salon shopping for some shampoo. They stopped me to chat... asked about life, updated me on their life... asked about my dad... (gasp) I had a GREAT story to tell them!!

I told these girls everything about HER. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. In the middle of the shampoo aisle in the salon.

We said our good-byes, deciding we would all see each other soon. I walk away. Turn the aisle. And come face-to-face with HER. The stripper. In the next aisle. I knew instantly that SHE had heard everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

Instantly, I was nauseated. And looking for a story. Justification. Lies. EEK!~

SHE mentioned that she was in the salon just shopping for shampoo, and... that she had heard everything. Of course, she knew I was talking about HER. With lines like: "Like, Who wants a stripper for a mom" and "Isn't she too old to be a stripper anyway - plus she has a 13 year old" There was no doubt SHE was the person I was referring to.


Not sure how I got myself out of that situation, it's all a blur. I'm pretty sure she never came to see me in the salon again.


And, I'm pretty sure I have watched what comes out my mouth from that day forward.






Back to the present:


Unfortunately, gossip happens quite frequently in the beauty business. I happen to be employed in the beauty business. For various reasons, lately, I have been at the butt end of other peoples gossip. In fact, 3 different people, from 3 different sides of my work life have been heard talking smack about me. Interesting enough, that all 3 of them don't know me very well at all.


My plan of action is to not retaliate although, eventually, I may (discreetly) let them in on the fact that I know what they have said. Of course, I would allow them to know everything I know. I would allow their minds to always wonder exactly what it is that I do know.


Typically, I am not one to draw attention and drama, but lately I have been in the spotlight. What must the girl do to remove herself from the attention of others?

"...When you are seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute nonreaction, not just externally but also internally, you realize that nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming "less," you become more...." - Eckhart Tolle

i got out of bed for... THIS?

My job could often times be compared to a bad joke.

Often times, I am placed in front of groups of people, ready and willing to help them earn a better living and live a better life. Unfortunatley, most of these people would prefer to stay wrapped in a broken misery. Most of the time, I care more about their personal growth and success than they do.

Yesterday, I was placed in front of a group of *special* people. Here is what I mean by *special* During my presentation they:

• wanted to know my ethnicity (they screamed the question... rudely)


• laid their heads on a table and slept - apologized later.


• chomped on Jimmy John's Sandwich & pickle


• made the announcement that they had no idea that I was coming to present to them and had no idea what I would be presenting. they could have cared less whether i was there or not.

Although this may not sound extreme, a group of professionals that are interested in growing their education & successes would not have acted this way.

So, yesterday, this little situation happened to about 6 or 7 of my coworkers and myself. It is called "mis-communication." This mis-communication caused my boss to call me on the phone, scream at me, threaten my job with his company, and hang up on me. Of course, he blamed the situation on me, and believe it or not, the situation was not my fault at all (victimizing myself.) I was looking for solutions to the problem we encountered. I offered solutions to the problem and no one could seem to agree on the same solution. I never did understand why 6 people needed to be a part of the situation in the first place OR why it was so hard to get respondence from all parties involved.

The outcome of the whole situation ended with me in front of a small group of people that could have cared less about their careers, let alone the positive message that I had to pass along to them.

By the end of the day, I was reassured that I should not fear losing my job - Not that I ever DID fear it.

BUT the whole situation left a bitter taste in my mouth. Did I deserve to be screamed at and hung up? AND told that my side of the story will never be heard? You would think that your employer (who is an ADULT) would have enough respect to hear all sides of the story prior to BLOWING UP. As an employee, I do not feel valued. I do not feel that my opinion matters. I do not feel that my employer has my back and and looks out for my best interest. I do not feel that my employer is willing to GROW ME as his employee .....although I have shown loyalty to his distributorship.

-------------------

Today, on the other hand, I realized that there ARE people that respect me, value my opinion, hang on to the words that I say, and understand that I work with them to help them grow their business.

I was in front of two different groups of people today that look forward to seeing me in their salons. They thank me every time I come in. They hang on to every word I say. The ideas/systems/techniques that I provide are immediately put in to action. In return, they are experiencing growth within their business.

These are the people that I enjoy working with. Working with these people allows me to be productive within my job. So why is it that Big Boss Daddy can't see this and continuously kicks and screams about me working with nobodys that will always fail miserably in life??


It feels good to be respected and appreciated, and I am now facing a the point in my career that I will seek out an employer that RESPECTS and APPRECIATES the work that I do.


On another note, I got on the phone with a long time friend of mine tonight. He called to give me an update on his not-so-great relationship. He made the statement that although I am so far away from him right now, he still considers me one of his best friend. *smiles*



Tomorrow, I will not be getting out of bed.

*image yanked from Daily Candy

XOX

gossip girl

Again, I am on the road in Beautiful Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. I only know that it is beautiful because other people have clued me in - I get stuck in the hotel for 6 days without seeing the light of day. I don't even know what part of the state I am in!! In the short time that I have been here this weekend I have re-learned a few things about people... and living...:

• Nothing positive comes of making facebook friends out of your coworkers.
• When people are jealous, they lie.
• Alcohol draws the bold words out of peoples mouths that they have been dying to say all along.
• Just because you are happy in life does not mean people will be happy for you or with you.
  

It is my first time in a few months that I have been in the presence of my coworkers. When we get together, we work and party, update our life stories, share the 411, and spread gossip. My coworkers- the ones that I work closely with... all happen to be women. Women that THRIVE on gossip. It just so happens that the latest rumor being spread happens to be about ME. The rumor spread from a picture or two they found on facebook. What I have figured out is that this rumor is spreading quickly, and everyone is looking for evidence to confirm this rumor. OF COURSE, they have all gone to each other seeking evidence, but not one of them has come directly to me for the simple truth.

(This year, the marketing department for the company I work for decided to create a Facebook Page for the company to attract new consumers. Along with that, many of my coworkers have joined the site. A large portion of my friends list consists of coworkers - up until last night)

Honestly, I underestimated the interest that my coworkers have in my facebook page. Apparently, everyone (coworkers) checks it out fairly regularly.

--

Wisconsin is a state that still allows smoking in bars. Gross. I frequent bars and restaurants in cities like Minneapolis and Chicago that do not allow smoking in public places. I almost forgot what it was like to be smacked in the face with a cloud of smoke as you walk in to a bar. I am pretty sure I got the lung cancer last night. Need Detox. I was hung over all day - not from drinking but from the inhalation of secondhand smoke. Blah. SO... needless to say, the bar did not see me tonight. In room... with SNL.

*photo yanked from Daily Candy

xox Crista

build me up just to let me down.

I will be surprised if my head does not explode before this day is over. I have lived out the full meaning of the phrase "When it rains, it pours." Very rarely do I get upset, pissed off, angry, or feel pity for myself. Today happens to be an exception. I have allowed myself feelings of anxiety, despise, nervousness, and anger. Along with those feelings have come nausea and headaches.

I just purchased a new car and have been dealing with the service department to get my car in good working order. Due to temptation, I took the car off the lot the day they received it on to the lot. SO for some reason it has been quite the challenge to get my car in to the service department to have it serviced just the way it would have been prior to them ever displaying it on the lot. The tires are brand new and have already gone flat (of course they blame me after they figure out total amount of $$'s they will have to spend to replace it), the windshield wipers need to be replaced, they act like idiots about hooking my car up to a computer system to ensure everything is good and I have yet to get the damn thing detailed!... and blah blah blah blah blah... I have taken my car back to the dealership (Denny Hecker Rosedale Hyundai) 4 x's since I have purchased and it STILL has not been fully serviced! The guys in the service dept. work for themselves, not to service their customers. If there has ever been a time in my life that I could have taken a gun and pointed it directly at someones face ruthlessly, it would have been today. (AND plenty of days spent with this guy I dated back in the day.....) I was lured in to this car that was more money that I wanted to spend... and it is turning out to be a disaster! The unfortunate thing is that I have already signed all the paperwork. The car is mine. It is too late to give it back.

!#@@$#%%^$^&*(*^&$^&%^^&^&*()*)*^&%^$#%#$%@$!#$@#%#^$%^?!!!!!!!!

And that's not all folks. Dating & Relationships have been on my mind today. ALL day today and ALL day yesterday and the night before yesterday. For quite some time now, the act of 'dating' has intrigued me. I find that it can often be labled as 'non-dating.'

A few years back, I got involved with this guy that lived in a different state than myself. He happened to be going through some 'things' at that time in his life when I met him. That was ok, we hit it off well, enjoyed each other's company, found time to see each other - in fact, he would drive 3 1/2 hours to see me when he got off work at 6 PM, and wake up extra early in the AM to drive another 3 1/2 hours back to work. We always considered ourselves to be in a 'non-relationship.'

Non-Relationship: The act of being in a relationship, but the unwillingness to openly admit to it. Non-relationships are typically much easier to skeet out of because "technically" the two involved are not 'commited' to each other.

(Who would have thought that 'non-relationships' would become the hot trend for the 20-30 somethings?? - Gotta keep options open!!!)

Due to distance, eventually we both kind of... moved on ...out of our non-relationship, but we remained friends... UNTIL he met another chick. In another state. That refused him other chick friends. As that relationship was ending, He begged and pleaded to see me over the holidays, I agreed -and he flaked! For her. Eventually, he realized she wasn't the one for him (really?!?! heh.) and he sought out my friendship once again. I eventually allowed him back in.

A few months passed, and some very bad things happened to this guy again - of course I was the only person that stood by his side, besides his mom and sister. Lately, this guy has had some real emotional problems, I continue to support him. He texts or calls about once a day to keep me updated on what's going on.

What I realized today, as he was asking to see me this holiday - is that he has dumped on me so many times and refused my friendship for some fling or some chick... and always comes running back, begging for the friendship that we once had.

I know that our friendship will be forever, he will always hold a special place in my heart... and I worry about him.... but how many times around can you be dumped on and begged back in?

So.. back to the 'non-relationship' trend happeneing these days. I, myself am definitely a person that likes to keep my options open. It is hard for me to cut off all connections that I may have to settle down with one person that may or may not stick around for very long. Needless to say, I have not really been in the situation to make a decision about settling down or not - because people these days are not about 'settling down'... they too, want to keep their options open.
As move in to our early 20's... we keep our options are open... mid-20's.. and options are still open... 30's... and options are still open.... when does there come a point that you are willing to take the risk to commit yourself to one person and move in to what's called a.... 'relationship'???

It seems that so often, I am lured in to a guy's life through friendship... travel... happy times.. etc, but most often as a guy first starts to pursue me, I heavily reject. I question what they want from me... why they want to spend so much time with me... why I would even be interested in them in the first place... because often times from the outside looking in, I can already see that they are not ready for any type of relationship with me or anyone else!!!! SO WHY PURSUE ME IN THE FIRST PLACE??? A glorified friendship?? With sex???

For those that stick around long enough, eventually I let allow then to become a part of my life... and everything seems to go well for a while. We hang out, have a good time, get to know each other, learn more and more about each other every day - right up to the point where we learn that we either:

A. Have Baggage of some sort
B. Have future plans to move to some far away place ...alone... without the other
C. We are just not interested in anything more with each other than sex + friendship.

It never fails. It always happens. I can always see it coming.
When this information is discovered, either A,B, or C... the slight relationship that we seemed to have been building starts to dissolve. And we eventually move on... stay in touch... hook back up every now and then.... and then move on again. (good thing I didn't drop everyone I know for THAT guy)

So today, and the last few days, I have been wondering to myself... how many more times am I going to get myself in to this situation ...that I take the time to get to know someone that seems fairly interested... just to find out that he (or me) is not looking for a relationship right now... OR he comes clean about the baggage that he carries (that I asked not to be a part of in the first place)... How many more times am I going to be built up.... just to be let down??

I have found that dating has become a 'game.' You play me, I play you, we play with each other... make the right moves to get the reaction that we are looking for... and say things to manipulate a certain reaction out each other. I do it. I say things that I know will cause a certain reaction... I don't just say the things the other person wants to hear. I say the things that will manipulate the other person to say what I want to hear. Certainley, if I am doing it - they are doing it as well. Another question that I ask myself tonight is... how long will this game go on?

Unfortunatley, lines like:

"I'm sorry to bring you in to all of my drama and baggage, I understand if you need to walk away (after I pulled you in to it)"
"I can't do what I want to do when I want to do it because I am at the mercy of my ex"
"Don't compliment me, because you're probably all talk"
"I'm sorry ...I had a whole lot of shit to deal with but it won't happen again this year"

..aren't the lines I am willing to hear too many more times. I'm done messing around. And I'm done being everyone's friend. I can do bad all by myself.