gone home

Fort Wayne. "Home." not 'home' to me, rather 'home' to my family.
nothing fancy about this place... besides my mothers car and the piano player at Von Maur.

i grew up here. from the age of 6 to the age of 21.

everyone moves so slow. nothing changes. everything stays the same. upon entering the Fort, i am perceived as the same person i was 5-10-15 years ago. a flawed teenager. that could not smoke a cigarette, dropped out of high school for a month, and dated all of the wrong guys. i will also always and forever be labeled as bric's ex-girlfriend.

i see the same people, shopping the same stores, at the same mall- all of the people slightly pudgier than in the past. i take a double glances as if trying to remember what interaction (if any) i had with these familiar-looking people.

i shop with my mother -giving her the opportunity to show off the daughter that she seems so proud of, that she is proud to have be-friended. she trots me in the bank, the nail shop, the coffee shop - these places that she visits frequently. she takes the opportunity to introduce me to the bank teller, the barista, the manicurist, the chinese lady. she receives plenty of compliments - she thrives off compliments.

i am reminded of the distance between my mother and i when her husband refuses to show his face the entire 36 hours i visit their home. he keeps himself locked in the bedroom. my mother takes him a plate full of food... and returns with an empty plate.

pops. he's a good guy. a man of honesty. messy, yet systematic. he appreciates the simpler things in life. he provides highly intellectual conversation during road trips to grandpa's place. content included: Colorado Snow Tire Chains Laws, Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar, ”Santa Baby” by Taylor Swift, Sunflowers grown in Colorado, The rice production in Sacramento, & ”a 40 Caliber Glock.

both of my parents homes are still filled with gifts that i have given them in prior years: elephant candles, picture frames, angel ornaments, george foreman grills, and spoon rests. both of their refrigerators are still filled with diet cokes. pops still keeps 24 packs of sams choice water from wal-mart... for me.

Fort Wayne is a dark place, one that i do not associate with positive happenings. the young boys carry guns and weapons... while at work... while at the club... while holding their babies. my brother, being one of these boys has become a product of his environment. he is impossible, stubborn, a heavily-opinionated jesus-worshiping republican.

On Sunday, I will leave Fort Wayne via the "Fort Wayne International Airport." And I will not be back for another year.

there is no place like home... right?